Philistinism-Lite

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Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Art of Watching MLB on TV

I have repeatedly suffered complaints from friends and family that there is nothing more dull than watching a Major League Baseball game on TV. Basketball games are faster paced and so much is riding on each football game due to their limited number. But I am convinced that there is an art to watching baseball on TV, resting on minimal skill and dedication. I would like to offer several reasons why everyone should rethink their sport-watching habits, for summer is too short for giving up TV completely.

1. Autonomy. Watching baseball on TV is the most unrestricted behavior you can conduct in your living room. During the 5 or 6 innings of non-activity, you have more choices available to you than many take advantage of. You can read a book, cook dinner, call grandma, or vacuum. The important thing to remember is that you are not limited to entertainment during these inactive spells; you can also use the time constructively without feeling you are ignoring the game. Flashy new commercials, scantily clad cheerleaders, and acrobatic stunts are infrequent and won't dictate you stay in front of the screen entirely.

2. Quantity. There is a baseball game almost every night from April to October. If you skip a game because you need to watch the Gilmore Girls marathon, you haven't missed a significant part of the season. Furthermore, your team will lose. No team has ever had a perfect season, so you can get over the pressure of supporting their every move.

3. Cleanliness and Hygiene. On Sunday afternoons you might be invited to watch football, or you may even entertain friends yourself. Make sure to iron your jersey, clean off the coffee table, and bring mints to cover up the cheetos breath. But come on; are you really going to find someone to watch baseball with you on TV? You can sit in your boxers, scratch yourself, and lick ketchup off the plate uninhibited by standard rules of social conduct.

4. Security. Unless it's the World Series, MLB games will never interrupt your favorite evening sitcoms. When college basketball games thwart your American Idol plans, you can always count on the MLB game to stay away unless invited into your evening.